Kick Facebook in the Nuts and Other Such Advice

Okay, not literally. Though I won’t stop you if you try 😉

No, what I mean is after 11 years, I finally deactivated my Facebook account. Big whoop, I know.

I suppose I should’ve done it earlier. It is in my self-care checklist, after all. But for some reason I kept convincing myself that I’d need it to stay in touch with my friends, even though I have the messenger app for that and WhatsApp too (yeah I know, they’re part of the Facebook family), and if I really need to hear from them, I have their phone numbers.

Which makes me wonder, why the hell did I sign up for it in the first place?

I grew up in a ridiculously tiny town so it’s not like I’d need it to “keep it in touch”—if I needed to see my friends or spy on my crushes, I could just go to school. So it’s not that. I was a teenager too, so I suppose I could just blame it on peer pressure. But if I did, then it sure took two years for it to work its magic on me because everybody else already had it in 2007 before I decided that yes, I too wanted to sell my soul to the devil.

And now that I think about it, I signed up for MySpace (heh, I’m probably showing my age here) a full two years after everybody got it too, just when Facebook was blooming… and roughly around the time MySpace began its downward spiral (I only made a grand total of eight friends, so everybody made it to my top friends list. Yay!).

Oh yeah, I also deleted the Facebook app from my phone. Two birds, one stone (or to paraphrase: two nuts, one foot) 😉

And I know it’s really cliche, but I feel freer now that it’s gone. Especially when you hear about all the scandals that Facebook’s involved in, what with all the privacy breaches and the selling of your data and all the fake news running rampant on it and whatnot, this is probably the best time to show them what’s what and jump ship. And yes, give them a good firm kick in their steel-reinforced, silicon-leaking, privacy-encroaching ball sack if you must 🙂

So for a chill (or at least hopefully less stressful) 2021, here’s some more “advice” in the same vein:

1. Give Instagram the #finger

Nobody’s vacay ever looks that good. The sky isn’t that blue. The sea isn’t that sparkly. And nobody’s hair defies the laws of wind, not even those fortified with 100 cans of hairspray and maybe 50 tubs of mousse and styling gel. The champagne and caviar aren’t that delicious either, and covid is still around, so…

2. Don’t bother with New Year’s resolutions

They don’t work 80% of the time because firstly, most resolutions are too vague, and secondly, most of the goals are too big and complex and you’re relying on willpower alone. I’ll go into more depth on this topic later in another article, but for now, skip this one out.

3. Have some sort of routine that keeps you grounded

I’m not talking about morning routines where you have to wake up at 4 o’clock in the morning just because some millionaire said so—those types of routines require way too much effort for someone who’s depressed and have the energy levels of a sloth. Start off really simple, so simple even a toddler can do it, and stick to it as much as you can. Stephen Guise calls it the “Mini Habits” method and I’ll be expanding on that in another article soon as well.

4. Don’t be the snake with a head and no tail

I.e. commit to seeing things through if you can, depending on the severity of the crap-o-metre of course. Sometimes I start stupid projects because I was caught up in the heat of the moment and 15K words later, I’m still nowhere near the end. But I don’t want to go back to my legacy of abandoning things as soon as I start them, so to teach myself a lesson, I’m going to finish it. At least I’ll know to plan better next time.

5. Take all advice with a grain of salt

Because what works for the goose may not work for the gander! And so it goes with humans too. Take advice if you want, but in the end, you know yourself best, so trust your own judgement. And don’t forget to relax! After the shitstorm of 2020, you deserve it.

Aaand that’s it for now. Next week’s article should be about New Year’s resolutions and your expectations on how life is supposed to go, so keep an eye out for that!

 

Until next time,
Your friend in the trenches, the depressed duck